“Relationship” – When they end, lot of unanswered question arises.
What did I do wrong? to destroy the relationship..!!
Why did this happen? to destroy the relationship..!!
Why do I keep attracting jerks? to destroy the relationship..!!
“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”
In maximum time we are not try to fingering on “answer “- just use statement like “we just grew apart”
We may learn from our mistake but need to identify them first.
Here I have briefing some common mistakes that may help to answer these question and hope help to save the one you are currently in.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Carl Jung
I hear successful couples says all time –“the secret of our happiness is compromise”. Here the argument starts. I have some doubt are they really happy..? They are probably using wrong word.
Let me explain.
What is compromising? Simply when 2 or more people have 2 or more different ideas, wants needs, etc and in order to keep the peace they came up with a solution. Usually one may get a little bit or lot more of what he wanted than the other – the “winner”.
The “loser” agreed to end the argument and they are willing to accept the short end of the stick this time as they hold on to the idea that next time there is a compromise, they will be in the “winner” position.
What is the answer then?
To collaborate is to find a WIN/WIN answer. Here both people feel like they got what they wanted.
It’s not a easy task, but it leaves no ill feelings, harbored resentments or scoreboard behind.
- Trying to control or Change our loved one
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity.” Dale Carnegie
This is really a Big one.
We want everything to be a certain way that ( our own way), including our partner. So by controlling the situation we are trying to mold or change everything to our liking. When we try to control or change someone we are sending the message that they are not okay just the way that they are. Is that the original message we want to deliver to our beloved ones..? Is it affect your relationship..?
Believe me , they already know what their faults are – they don’t need us to remind them. Hence give it up. Let go..
So what may be the answer now? Here it is : God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Expecting Perfection
“To the wise, life is a problem; to the fool, a solution.” Marcus Aurelius
Is it a myth.?
You can’t have a perfect Relationship with your girlfriend. You can’t expect a perfect Relationship between husband or wife.
So what happen? When we realize that our partner or our so called relationship has flaws, we run for the hills because we believe that means they were not “that ONE”.
We may let other’s opinions of what a “perfect relationship “should look influence how we view our relationship and when we stop to measure it up. You may decide that sleeping in different beds or rooms may works the best for both of you, because you sleep better – that doesn’t mean that your relationship is any less “perfect” than anyone else’s.
No body and no relationship is perfect and we can’t hold ourselves, our partner or a relationship to those fairy tale standards.
If you recognize any of the mistake that you made once in the past , don’t beat yourself up over it.
Sharing this article is to help people to have a healthier and happier Relationship.
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